(PC) The Mean Greens – Plastic Warfare: IT’S SO FLUFFY!

By this I mean that it’s cute. My God this game is cute. I’m not a fan of saying the word cute… but it’s cute. Get the point?

So It’s Cute

So, when I was deciding what review I wanted to do today, I realized I wanted to do something new, something that sticks out. Well I looked through my game library and nothing really did. There is a huge backlog in my Steam library and honestly I wasn’t up for it. So I decided to go to the Steam store instead. And low and behold there it was… the cutest game ever, The Mean Greens. It looked like a cross between Toy Story and the classic Army Men PC/PS games that were out in the late 90’s. Remember those? Where you could buy a shooting game because every time you shot someone they’d just melt or explode into plastic pieces? Lordy I miss 3D0, they weren’t the brightest company but they sure did have creativity. Anyways, here is the saga of the pretty/fluffy game… that’s cute.

Starting Off

Needless to say, I was not thrilled with the beginning of this game. There is no single player (which is fine) and the multiplayer is pretty much only online (no offline bots to my knowledge… fail). But, usually I don’t mind, as long as I could get into the action. Well… that proved to be a royal pain in the ass, that had me screaming at my computer for about an hour.

I started off clicking join game, essentially it’s a Quick Match in Call of Duty, any map, game-mode, etc. could appear so be ready; that is if it actually worked in the first place. It loaded, then said Failed to Join, try again, similar results, so on and so forth. Well that was frustrating… so I decided to do the classic server browser. The first one had 2 free spots out of 10 and a decent ping. Score! Loading.. loading.. Server Full… Son of a bitch… By this time I have tried over 30 matches with no luck, and needless to say I haven’t even had a chance to play a match, let alone get a feel for the controls. So instead I hosted my own match, played by myself (lack’age of BOTS) and messed around with controls and weapons. Damn… I wish I wouldn’t have done that.

I Was Hooked

Just by playing a couple minutes by myself I realized I couldn’t quit. I had to continue. The graphics were splendid, very Toy Story‘ish. The music was charming in every way and the controls were like butter. Needless to say I was hooked after a couple of minutes playing with myself (happens to everyone). So I decided to push on, just like my plastic army men compadres, if they weren’t going to quit, then neither will I! TO VICTORY!

Join… Fail… Join… Fail… The struggle was beginning to ween my patience in this game. But then… Choose a team! It worked… it finally worked! Failed to Join… I hate you game… I loathe you… You are the burden on my society, the scourge, the plague, the blood in my water… How dare you?!?!

Now it’s personal. Click… Fail… Click… Fail… Click… Free for All! Ha! Patience has finally paid off! Wait Free For All?

One Match In

The first round I was finally able to get into was a Free For All death-match… Probably not the best thing to jump right into. It seems the other players had no problem connecting as they were encompassing Sid’s (Toy Story reference) inner evilness… I didn’t stand a chance. Luckily I had a secret weapon.

Click Fail This

Yes it’s true. I had a secret weapon. Anger… Frustration and the desire to break something other than my computer. The next best thing… plastic army men. I had an assault rifle, shotgun, sniper rifle and a bazooka… life was good. Shrapnel was flying everywhere, I swear I could see the terror in their uni-colored eyes. Run little men… Run.

The end of the round results came up… 9th place… Eh, at least I didn’t get last. But the journey will continue. The battle will wage on and the war is far from over.

General Information

Theatrics aside. This game is fairly well done. You can tell that a large amount of time went into creating the atmosphere of this game. It really does feel as though you are playing war in your bedroom when you were a child. The controls are smooth, the weapons are fun, and the music/maps are so beyond well done. They are unique. Playing in a freezer or a Foosball table is a great time. Network issues aside, it’s worth the multiple clicks; just remember, all those clicks will eventually be your chance to strike your revenge for every time you stepped on a Lego piece with your bare feet… sweet… sweet revenge.

Rent or Buy? Once again, it’s Steam so I suggest buying it. It’s only around $10 currently and the atmosphere more than makes up for it. Trust me, it’s cute.

Alternatives: I would have to say that you should find the original 3D0 Army Men games, they are fantastic. Start with the top-view version for the PC and make your way through them.



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